LOVIN’
A
preacher’s guide to little ponderings on this saccharin sweet day and 14 photos for emphasis!
I don’t remember a
time when I was ever the girl waiting earnestly for valentine’s day, longing
for romance, or going crazy over gift choices for a significant other. I don’t
remember a time because it never existed.
Over two decades on the planet and I am yet
to sink into yet another commercialized fete, complete with rituals of roses
that are red, chocolates that are sweet and romantic displays that weaken the
knees. And despite being surrounded by a couple of friends and family who do, I
am instead well nested in my own cocoon of philosophical debate as to the
authenticity of an obligation to show love on a specific day.
But alas, the “heart” very often displaces
philosophical debates in all its erratic unreason, so I have to admit, I’m on
my own course.
And on that note, I present to you my solo
life movement since day one, humorously aided by a slogan T-shirt I had printed
from a local craft shop nearby. Where the owner looked at me incredulously as I
explained to him that I wanted the inscription “My significant other is on
order.” On full display. Then followed the “Fine girl like you no get
boyfriend? Na lie…” talk. Although a
playful banter that might have been harmlessly intended and thrown around too
often, to an overthinker (as always), I reached into the sagging weight of
undertones it carried. As if to say that the only reason I wouldn’t have a
boyfriend was if I was undesirable and not about me desiring one.
I
have never thought of being in a relationship just because everyone else was in
one. Perhaps it is a consequence of all the drama I witness it bring to people
who are in one. And personally, I run on a parallel path from drama. Or there’s
the fact that I overthink things and I tend to analyse the end of it before it
has even begun. And of course, there’s the element of having very little
emotional capacity to invest in the workings of a relationship.
I think love and companionship and a
healthy relationship, can be a beautiful thing. I think it is perfectly okay to
desire the kind of sappy romance that burns bright (and makes me barf), and
fills the soul with boundless joy and solace. And I think it is also perfectly
fine to not desire it.
One of the most serious qualms I have with
this fete of bloody roses, sickly sweet chocolates, and perfumes that linger
days after, is the sense of exclusion and inadequacy it forces a large number
of people who believe in the idea of completeness by finding romance. The idea
of not being left out, of joining in with the celebrations. Of not realizing
that they are enough as they are. Not being in a romantic relationship gives
you the space, the autonomy to learn how to love yourself unfolded and bare, so
whenever you choose to introduce whomever into this space, you already know how
it feels to be loved and how to reject less. And if you decide you’d rather do
without it, be sure to know that living a significant life full all so many
other kinds of love is also as fulfilling, knee weakening, tear-jerking and
boundless.
I sit out this valentine’s day as usual, love myself up and as much of the world as I can, as usual. And if ever the significant other gets delivered in one piece, you bet your sweet behind the aforementioned still stands
A hi nya, with love, x E
Photographed by || Kefas Garba
Edited by || Ene Ijato
Styled and modelled by || Ene Ijato
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