OF THE FURY OF YOUTH
PERSONAL
Of all
the ways there are to be touched by the madness of the search for meaning
Maybe I’m only seeking for an excuse to
decide where to place myself, but somehow there’s always this constant battle
as we check ourselves to make sure that we are on the right track, the
acceptable track, the rational track. Even more so, there are moments when we
wear our hearts on our sleeves and throw caution to the wind. In my sparse bouts
of being less cautious, I am often scared of the implications of my raw self,
the blithe parts that are not as neatly wrapped and presented on social media
pages on public display. The parts full of raw raging emotions wildly burning
in the fury of my youth.
The brunt of pressures mounted upon us from
expectations and sometimes the lack thereof, where we’re constantly tethering
on the boundary between having too much ambition and having none at all, or a
comfortable zone created of a workforce settled at the middle.
If
only in my few years of worldly experience, I have understood to some degree
this battle. I have understood the sharp stinging effect of judgement thrown at
my face, of the things I identify with, the things I do not, and the things I
do not know of yet. Perhaps this is the pace of existence, the search for soundness
amidst all the noise, the struggle to find even momentary meaning in a career,
a hobby, an emotion, because of our often constant need to feel alive.
I couldn’t envisage all the plausible outcomes of exploring the intricate capabilities of ourselves, of searching for meaning in the little things and working towards a goal that might seem like only just a dream. But there is a way in which I am swallowed whole by my desire to experience life in my own chosen way, a desire to try to understand the complexities of youth and time and youth. Full of effervescent hunger and unsettling angst towards a future that seems lush with possibilities, yet laden with uncertainty.
Perhaps in the cause of beginning this
journey towards independence and sustenance, a fear arises from questioning if
passion is career is sustenance? Or if we ought to simply jump unto the wagon
of adulthood and face the reality of a 9 to 5 job that pays the bills, whilst
abandoning the many thrilling prospects of the unsaid things that define us
wholly.
Our generation is most arguably breaking
ground with this; we have in many ways learnt to cultivate opportunities in
places they never existed before. We are less mechanical, less of a workforce
and more of an army of avant-gardists.
I like to sit still sometimes and just
watch the motion around me; I like to submerge myself in the attestation of the
engulfing extremities in which our minds can go. Because sometimes, the
maddening fury of youth watches us with hungry eyes, waiting to devour.
Hi,
long time no see, hope you’ve been as good as can be?
A hi nya, with love, x E
Photography
|| Styling || by Ene Ijato
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